Tough To Support A Mom Who Tasers Her Lazy Son On Easter Without Advocating For Child Abuse: But Here I Go
PHOENIX - A Phoenix mom allegedly used a 'touch Taser' to get her teenage son up for church services.
Phoenix Police report that on Easter Sunday, 40-year-old Sharron Dobbins allegedly "contact tazed her teenage son on the leg."
"I said, 'Get up! It's Jesus' Day!'" said Dobbins.
When one of her sons refused to get up and get ready, police say Dobbins tased him. It's a claim Dobbins denies.
Full story here.
I’m not going to dodge around this one, I think this is funny. Child abuse is not funny, but in my mind tasering your child because they refuse to get out of bed on easter morning is. Also, "Get up! It's Jesus' Day!" Is the funniest thing I can thing of to say as you apply 50,000 volts of concentrated electricity to your own flesh and blood. You heard this mom, if you don’t get out of bed for Jesus then you’re going to get tasered. At some point you’ve just got to know your mom. Right? I’ve met many a mom in my day who I can’t imagine using, let alone holding, a taser. That’s not to say they are any worse at mom’ing than anyone else, I think it’s just a personality thing.
I could absolutely see my mom using a taser, and I’ve got a feeling like this kid could too. We’re in the same boat, buddy. If I ever saw my mom with a taser, I’d be fully ready for her to use it on me. I’d know right off the bat that she wasn’t fucking around. So when it comes down to it, this falls on the kid. Every mom has her one thing that she'll taze the shit out of you over, and you've got treat that one thing with some serious caution. Dude, you know your mom loves Easter; so when you see her standing in the doorway with her electronic cattle prod, the rebellion is over unless you want to get zapped for Jesus.
It also doesn’t help that I find tasers funny. I blame The Hangover. That taser scene is one of the funniest fucking pieces of cinematic mastery of all time. Everything about it was perfect.
I’m not trying to hide that this is probably a little perverse of me; I’m just trying to explain where this comes from. I recently proposed to my podcast cohost underling Nick that we start tasering each other when we talk about things for too long on the air; he hasn’t responded to me so I assume he loves the idea. But that’s an example of where my mind goes. I think a taser fight would be super funny. Does that make me sick? I’m not talking holding a taser to someone’s neck for thirty seconds or anything like that, just a quick touch to the leg is all. That type of thing helps a friendship, and a podcast, grow.
P.S. Regardless of my twisted sense of humor, probably still a good thing we live in a country where you get arrested for tasering your child.
