This just seems like some bad judgement on anyone's part whose job it was to make sure that JFK didn't get shot in the head.

Man if only I could imagine a country that consumes everything to excess and could really benefit from this...

Here's a big old case of I fuckin' told you so.

We can still be thankful for consensual dick pics, right?

A quick fix for when these blogs get a little too cheerful.

I'm legitimately shocked that we're still studying Mars. The biggest discovery we've made about Mars is that it is SUPER boring.

Years from now, a millionaire blogger, I'll look back fondly on Roy Moore as my first blog-fodder.

This guy successfully stealing a locomotive would have been equivalent to me solving a rubik's cube.

Given that the last house cleaning of military advisors ended in an execution by anti-aircraft gun, night school doesn't seem so bad!

Better to have loved a barber and lost, than never to have loved a barber at all?

You sign a deal with the devil when you eat fast food. You trade the deliciousness of that fatty, fried goodness for the risk that you may eat some grandmother's toe. No such contract exists with Trader Joes.

This is only a relief in the sense that if they became friends we'd have to nuke ourselves. And look, just like that I'm on a watchlist. That's how you do it, kids.

Any time you have an old nerdy white guy call another nerdy white guy a "pussy", it's time to whip out the popcorn.

Here I was thinking maybe we had some good eggs out there, people who could do their jobs without abusing their position or status, but nope we got us a bunch of creepy dudes!

If choose to get a cat over a dog, I'm not saying you deserve to die; I'm just saying that there's a 33% chance you die sooner than me.

It's Friday and I give up; if you want to harken back to the days where planes crashed because their batteries died, or just because that's what airplanes did back then, be my guest.

Impressive how not long that took.

Nothing worse than a plain penis.