Must Watch: Geese Invade Beach-I Wonder Why (I Know Why)
Look in my years of curating this blog and podcast, I’ve been quick to fear animals and always assume the worst; however, I’ve also been AS quick to point the finger at us humans when the fault is ours.
This is scary. This is some goose-cult shit. This is biblical. I don’t whether these geese are going to going to drink some geese cool-aid, murder everybody in sight, or whether Goose Moses is going to part the Ocean City red sea. Whatever it is, it’s our fault.
We’ve talked animal vengeance many a time, and this is one. One douschbag in London interrupts a couple geese in the heat of the moment, and the rest of us pay the price. One goose couple gets kicked mid-freak-on and thousands of other geese rise up.
This is not a vengeance, a blood feud, we want. Geese are nasty creatures. They’re vile. They shit everywhere. They coined the flying-v so we know that they’re cunning. They fuck in the middle of London canals so we know they’ve got balls. They roam the parks with our children and our dogs; they storm the beaches with our picnics and our exposed flesh. You know what kind of damage this mob, let alone a single goose, could cause on a nice summer’s day? It’d be a massacre.
These aren’t the crocodiles that have to roam our sewers in the dead of night to avoid our watchful eyes. These aren’t the sharks that have to stick the depths because of a media-fueled paranoia. These are fucking geese. We know them. We’re comfortable with them. We’d let them into our homes if we thought they’d be a nice pet. And if we’d just let them fuck in peace we wouldn’t be in this mess.
