JR Smith Suspended Because He Threw Soup At An Assistant Coach

CLEVELAND -- Cavaliers guard JR Smith earned his one-game suspension from the team Thursday by throwing a bowl of soup at assistant coach Damon Jones, multiple sources with knowledge of the incident told ESPN.

Jones, a former Cavs player, has been back with the organization since 2014. He worked his way up from an assistant coach with the Canton Charge -- the Cavs' G League affiliate -- to Cleveland, where he is a trusted voice for head coach Tyronn Lue.

Full story here.

Who throws soup? This is such an uncool thing I don’t even know how to start. JR’s no stranger to controversy, but he’s set the bar pretty low with his one. Throwing soup is essentially spitting in someone’s face. It’s terrible. So many things make it bad: the consistency, the inevitable clothing stains, the fact that it’s liquid food, and of course, the motherfucking temperature. You’ve got to be a psycho to throw a hot dish at someone. You’re essentially trying to kill a person when you throw scalding soup on them. It may actually be more insulting to throw cold soup on someone because it’s so unappetizing, but hot soup is bad for some pretty obvious reasons. You know who throws soup? Babies, that's who. If you chuck a soup at someone you're closer to a baby slangin' gerber than you are to an adult. Pathetic.

Let’s be honest, soup on it’s own is a pretty unappetizing dish. I’m not talking taste: it’s delicious! I’m talking that people who eat soup are the worst. There are exceptions to this rule, but unless you’re eating soup with someone else, chances are you suck. You gotta slurp it, it sprays everywhere, it coats your tongue a weird way, and you gotta do that thing where you blow on it a lot to cool it down. Yuck. Doesn’t even look that good. Seriously, show me a soup, unadorned with side dishes or garnishes, that looks good. Impossible. It’s just not a dish you want to be associated with. It's what we feed broken people. You don’t want to be a soup guy. You definitely don’t want to be a guy who throws soup, that’s just a terrible look for all involved. Just go ahead and throw a coffee, it’s probably more dangerous but at least it’s somewhat blue collar; if you throw soup then you’re a bougie bitch. That’s probably the first time I’ve written the word ‘bitch’ in this blog. That’s how you know I’m serious.