I Have Reached Final(ish) Judgement On The Prince Harry Vs. Ed Sheeran Proposal Debate
It’s been two weeks, time to call a spade a spade, until details say otherwise: Ed Sheeran’s proposal one upped Prince Harry’s. Some of you will accuse me of rushing to judgment, fuck you this is my blog. Some of you will shout that this should be deemed a mistrial, fuck you I’m the judge. In the light of no new information, I have reexamined the evidence, and I have found, without a doubt in my mind, Ed Sheeran’s proposal to be superior to Prince Harry’s.
What do we know about Prince Harry’s? Well he and Meghan Markle were making chicken and got down on one knee popped the question. Yeah, that’s it. I can’t dive into it anymore because I talk about it every podcast and I don’t want to get worked up and have a heart attack at 26, but you get the point.
Now take what we know of Ed Sheeran’s proposal to compare. Ed Sheeran proposed over the holidays: that’s romantic as fuck. Don’t pretend you don’t watch Love Actually and wish for a holiday season half as romantic as that! Impossible! That cue card scene? Ugh, just kill me: I don’t know how to read so some of the meaning was lost on me, but I got the point.
Seriously what does that say? That little kid running through the airport? Doesn’t age as well since that 8 year old would be in Guantanamo if he tried that now, but fuck was it cute! The holidays do this to things, to people, and to actions: they up their romance by a million. You could throw a ring at your significant other’s eye, and if it was snowing outside, it would probably be in the top ten romantic proposals of the year. You can do whatever the fuck you want between Thanksgiving and New Years, and you’ll seem like Don Juan. In conclusion, the holidays are proposal gold: Ed Sheeran wins on timing.
Lastly, the fact that Ed Sheeran’s proposal is a secret is a little dope! I’m 99% sure that it was probably pretty lame, but everybody knows that the best way to make a lame thing cool is to keep it secret!
Bluffing, keep your cards close to your chest, that’s an old poker trick guys. Yeah, Ed Sheeran, keep your shit under wraps: that’s cool. Don’t be like Prince Harry and rub this cutesie little chicken proposal in my face like I should be grateful for it. I will not “thank you sir, may I have some more?” to your boring, white bread, overwhelmingly bland proposal, Harry. I just won’t.
So there it is folks, timing and secrecy, the two factors that put Ed Sheeran’s proposal above his longtime rival (that I just made up). I reserve the right to hold a retrial if new information surfaces on either of these engagements. No need to thank me, Harry: I’d have done the same for anyone, and I’m secretly holding out that you had a cocaine dusted falcon drop a ring into Meghan’s caviar. Until then, congratulations Ed, I will judge your wedding harshly.
P.S. Apparently Ed Sheeran and Russell Crowe are good friends and that both hugely disappoints me, and also makes me like Ed Sheeran a little bit maybe.
